I’m a recently graduated Masters student who also coaches high school baseball (hardball) and works at an outdoor retailer. I’ve been keeping a journal on and off for years.
Monday March 16, 2020
I may be at capacity emotionally. The order to shelter in place came today at noon and goes into effect in just over an hour, at midnight. I’ve spent the day doing errands and reaching out to everyone I can think of who might need help. The fights over whether to continue baseball practice that were happening only a few days ago seem irrelevant now.
Tuesday March 17, 2020
In all honesty, this is not how I imagined my life. When I graduated from undergrad, I would have given anything to have a few weeks to just sit and figure out what I wanted, but it was the recession, and it was like I had to start digging my metaphorical claws into things. Now I’ve figured out what I want to do – and I have to sit. I’m almost too numb to feel bitter about it.
Monday March 23, 2020
I know based on doing a recession before, that I will probably lose all my jobs. To the boomers, this is not negativity, this is cold, hard reality based on experience.
Wednesday April 15, 2020
Lately I’ve had a general feeling crankiness spread over a deeper layer of fear. Kind of like a thin frosting on cake.
Tuesday April 21, 2020
Trying to define myself without work has been very unpleasant. During the last recession, I had to redefine my definition of success. As a ‘90s kid, my definition drastically changed from start to finish, and I still struggle with it sometimes. But as part of that, I always believed work was the most important thing. And the last month has shown me that I am definitely not cut out to be a housewife.
Tuesday May 19, 2020
I emotionally tanked last week. I thought it was going to get better – my graduation would have been this past Sunday – but it’s gotten worse. I’m so dispirited that sometimes I can’t find the energy to raise my arms. I’ve been crying on and off for over a day.
Friday May 29, 2020
Last Thursday, I basically had to relearn my job in two hours. We’re doing curbside pickup, and it’s dreadful how impatient people are. There are a few dumb millenials of course, but most of the angriest, rudest customers are boomers coming to the front doors and yelling at us. These are the people we shut this country down for, and they are more entitled than ever. The one thing I don’t see is gratitude. Once again, nothing is ever good enough. One of our managers got spit on last week. A guy was being impatient that his order was taking so long, so he took his mask off and spit on him. He called this week to apologize, but still. He could have been arrested for terrorism.
Saturday July 4, 2020
What a long week. We’ve been having the fourth of July sale, and this week has just been insane. We’re totally understaffed, either because they want fewer people for safety or because not everyone is back to work yet. The lines are huge, slow, and while most people are patient and understanding, there are some people that are just full-on assholes. It’s unbelievable how
many people get upset over gear not being ready. They shouldn’t be going away this weekend anyway. Now I’m reading about how South Lake Tahoe is just inundated with people, and everywhere there is understaffed. And people will probably be dicks to them, even though they shouldn’t be traveling. It’s like they think the rules don’t apply to them and that service workers’ safety is an afterthought to their entitled needs. They may as well just step onto their balconies and scream, “PRIVILEGE” into the beckoning night.
Submitted by Lauren McNulty, Contra Costa County – El Cerrito.